hu·bris: a great or foolish amount of pride or confidence
A few months ago I thought I was getting good at running again. I had been logging nearly daily miles for almost six weeks and was progressing nicely. I had signed up for a 20 mile trail race in February and was planning a marathon in April. I had just had a very good long run, with a funny side story involving copious amounts of crotchal (sic) chafing. Carried on by my own inflated view of my athletic prowess (JV basketball, yo!), I thought I would make a weekly training log a feature of this blog. Thus I wrote my first post.
Six days later on a short long run before church I was smitten by the running gods. There is only really one thing pain emanating from your Achilles can mean and it sucks. In the 2-1/2 months since the injury I have ran less than 100 miles. I basically took the entire month of December off after trying to limp through November. I am back at it now, slowly, but chastened and you shan't see me bragging about my epiphanic long runs anymore.
However, I do want to address an assumption about physical fitness that has stuck in my craw for some time and is, for most people, complete B.S. It is, broadly speaking, the false dichotomy between being in shape and excelling in the other parts of your life. People are great at coming up with excuses for not exercising.
A common one that I hear, given my season of life, is that there is some sort of tension between being a parent and being someone who exercises. I remember running with a friend once and after the run he was red-faced and panting and I was feeling fantastic. He said something about how he knew he was being a good father because I was in better shape than him. I didn't have kids at the time so there was no insinuation that I was being a bad father by running everyday, but there was a clear insinuation that if this guy didn't care about being a superstar dad he would totes smoke me in a 10k. However, at the time I was working probably about 15 hours more per week than my friend. I got up at 5 o'clock every morning to run before getting to work at 6:45. I asked him what he was doing with his kids when I was running at 5 a.m. Both of us, no doubt, were struggling with our pride in this exchange: his pride wounded over not being able to keep up and mine smarting from the assertion that if I was busier I too would stop running.
This was my first glimpse of parenting as cover for being lazy, a dodge I have subsequently used. What I have found is that not many people will call you out on this excuse if you utilize it. I have joked with people since becoming a parent about sympathy weight and being OMG so busy!!! no time to workout!!!! and no one has yet said, "Stop making excuses, you lazy doughy blankety-blank." But Owen isn't exactly pining for me while he is comfortably asleep in the predawn period. Also, dude goes to bed at 8 o'clock in the evening. He is awake for 13 hours per day and sleeps for two of those in the afternoon. And that's why I can't work out? We don't make the same excuses for entertainment. You've never heard anyone say, "I can't be a good parent and watch Downton Abbey." Or, "In order to properly parent my child I just don't have time to read Buzzfeed articles." We all make time for what is important to us. And what should be important to us in our deskbound, computer-clicking, crappy-food-eating culture is getting into a weight room or onto a treadmill or into one of those Zumba things or even being a Cross-fit bro, bro. Don't blame your laziness on your kids. You are out of shape and breathe hard after eating because of choices you make, choices independent of spending time with your kids.
I am saying this as much for me as anyone. After my Achilles injury I was in the Slough of Despond for a bit. By nature I hate lifting weights. I also hate stationary bikes and those elliptical things that mimic no motion any human should ever make. So I was lazy. Eating poorly, watching too much television. AND IT WAS ALL BECAUSE I'M SUCH A GOOD DAD!!! How weird does that sound? But people let you off the hook if you say that. Don't say that. If fitness is a priority you will find a way. I know moms who teach Zumba, run marathons, or do P90X in their basement since dad works early, and they still love their kids. You don't have to qualify for the Boston Marathon or look like someone on the cover of Runner's World, but my guess is you want to teach your kids to treat their bodies well. Treat yours well.
Anything apart from that is an excuse and usually one cheaply made to make other parents who do get up early and work hard feel bad about it because they are not as great of a parent as you are. If you don't want to work out and don't care much about your health, at least admit it. Don't throw someone else under the bus to cover for your apathy.
Drop the mic. Walk away.
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