I Am Not Throwing Away My Shot

My intended series on ambition has thus far consisted of one post on Alexander Hamilton's life and a warning of the perils of ambition. To recount briefly: ambition can be myopia-inducing, causing us to focus on the aim of our ambition and ignoring or diminishing our other responsibilities. I ended by rejecting the notion that your ambition can be broad and be successful--opportunity cost always dictates that if we are focusing on one thing there is an infinite list of other things losing our attention. 

In this post I want to follow up on another thing that frightens me about ambition: failure. The old proverb to not put all of your eggs in one basket is relevant here. If I choose one thing--writing, say--as my thing and I pour all of my energy and effort into achieving success in this field there is an overwhelming chance that I will fail. And then what am I left with? A life with a single aim that fell short of justifying the effort. 

That sounds admittedly bleak, but I am not being fatalistic or sombre. That's the reality. Ambition is not ambition if its aim is not recognized success. I don't mean to bring the dictionary into this, but the definition of ambition is "an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, and wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment." If my wife and mom think I'm a great writer but it never goes beyond that level of distinction--sorry mom and Clara--that's simply not enough to vindicate that choice. 

That's scary to me. It just feels safer to not try anything that great. To content myself with a modest existence. To quote Seinfeld, "Not that there's anything wrong with that," but at the same time it strikes me as unsatisfactory. Maybe that's because I'm still young. Maybe it's because I've never tasted failure on a grand scale. Maybe my mostly timid nature has shielded me so far from being ambitious enough to ever be hurt by ambition.

This is a post with no grand answer or succinct and pithy conclusion. I just don't know. It is one thing I constantly weigh when I think about ambition. And the question I am left with is if this fear is a warning to be heeded or an obstacle to be ignored and hopefully overcome.